When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
