do herpes really smell.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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