summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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