Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
