how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
