I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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