Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
