Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
