she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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