hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
