I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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