Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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