What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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