By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
