we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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