Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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