We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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