feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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