So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
