you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
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His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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