I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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