Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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