I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
