Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
