she was so not down for the gang bang
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
