my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
