omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
