Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm at about main and main street
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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