YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
