once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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