I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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