you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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