I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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