I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
