I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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