I smell stomach acid.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I wish there were birth control emojis
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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