Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
