i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize