were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
