It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
