Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
