before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize