so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
