It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
