the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
