as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
