When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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