I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Randomize
