I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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