don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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