Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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