i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
