i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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