in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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