so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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