Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
