She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
