Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
