just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
bring money and cleavage
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I could fuck to npr.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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