I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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