tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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