Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
