Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Pants are for mortals
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
