why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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