just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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