You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and she was petting her beer can
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
