They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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