Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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