no, he came in my armpit
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
