I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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